How to Live is written as a love letter to my daughter to share all the things I hope might help her live a better life … though I suspect others may also find it valuable.
How to Trust Your Gut
Dear Giana,
Today you tried a new medication that your doctor suggested, and within an hour of dropping you off at school, the nurse called to say you were dizzy and threw up. And after resting and having water and crackers for a few minutes in her office, you threw up more. So you came home and are missing another day of school.
I’m most frustrated with myself because I had a feeling this was not the right medication for you, but I didn’t listen to my gut. I was reluctant to say no, though, because what if it helped and we didn’t at least try? I wanted to give you every chance.
Well.
This is a battle I’ve had with myself countless times over the years. I feel like I’m getting better about trusting myself more often, but then something like this happens and I’m kicking myself because I KNEW. And I didn’t honor that knowing.
I tell you all the time to trust your gut, your intuition. I ask you what feels like the right thing to do in your body because I want you to practice checking in with yourself and noticing what you naturally lean toward and what you lean away from.
Growing up, I learned from outside sources that my thoughts and feelings weren’t to be trusted, but I should listen to others (mostly men). This programmed a deep distrust in myself that I’m still trying to unlearn, and this is why I’m always trying to steer you back to your inner knowing so you learn to trust it from the get-go.
Looking back, I can see most of the bad decisions I’ve made — big and small — were made against my better judgment. By ignoring my instinct that said, No, no! This isn’t right.
As I became aware that my gut is always right, I tried to tune into it more. If I couldn’t sense where it was leading, I’d get quiet. Close my eyes, take deep breaths, and try to see what felt warm, open, and positive, hopeful.
When I take the time to do this, I generally move in the right direction. I’ve also stopped ignoring the tug of warning or discomfort I feel in my chest or stomach when someone says or does something that isn’t good or right for me. I used to think, “Oh, I’m just being negative. I should give this person the benefit of the doubt.”
WELL. (Again, but in caps.)
I have since learned that no, I was not in fact being negative but WISE. Let that be a lesson to us all.
I believe God has placed an internal navigation system in us all and we only hurt ourselves when we ignore it, silence it, or otherwise invalidate it. But it’s definitely a skill that needs to be practiced and strengthened over time. Now when I get that No, I don’t think so sense, I pay attention. (Mostly. Still not perfect, but improving.) This has saved me from bad decisions more often than I can count.
But the only way you can do this is to decide to trust yourself. No matter what others might have told you in the past.
It’s also important not to confuse negative self-beliefs with your inner knowing. Your instinct does not live in your head and will not make you hate yourself or believe that you are intrinsically and irreparably flawed. Those are outside messages you’ve internalized, but they aren’t true.
Your true instinct, your deep knowing leads toward wholeness, openness, and flourishing. This does not mean that it won’t require you to do uncomfortable things like setting a healthy boundary for yourself, but doing so will ultimately lead to your wellbeing, which is the goal.
Of course, it can also be helpful to go to trusted people in your life for advice, but if what they say feels dead-wrong to you, side with your gut. And make sure you consult with people who truly want you to grow and thrive and are themselves healthy.
Nothing’s perfect in this life and we really do learn the most important lessons through our mistakes and hardships, but you’ll be better equipped to get through them by trusting your gut to guide your path.
Love,
Mommy
What’s Giving Me Life
Podcasts episodes I loved this week:
For the Love with Jen Hatmaker: Can Faith Thrive Within Political Divides? Lisa Shultz from the US Senate’s Chaplain’s Office
Good Inside with Dr. Becky: When Your Kid is Rejected
The RobCast with Rob Bell: Notes on Floating
We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle: Brene Brown: What to Say to Get What You Need
On Purpose with Jay Shetty: Mel Robbins on Why You Can’t Stop Procrastinating & How to Eliminate Self-Doubt in 5 Seconds
TV shows I’m obsessed with:
Brene Brown: Atlas of the Heart on HBO Max
Books I’m loving:
The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit by Mel Robbins
Body Talk: How to Embrace Your Body and Start Living Your Best Life by Katie Sturino