How to Live is written as a love letter to my daughter to share all the things I hope might help her live a better life … though I suspect others may also find it valuable.
Dear Giana,
We are living in, how shall I put it, tricky days. A lot of really big, really consequential events are unfolding seemingly every day and it’s a LOT. What’s ALSO a lot is the flood of voices responding to everything. Some educated and thoughtful, most decidedly not.
You’re growing up in an era of social media hot takes where taking your time and thinking through things critically is not prized. But it’s really important—maybe more now than ever.
And while I think that a college degree isn’t necessary for a lot of people to succeed these days, I DO think the value of learning HOW to think and examine topics from all sides that advanced education provides is an essential skill that is increasingly lost today.
So consider this your much-condensed primer on critical thinking.
Slow Down
I cannot emphasize this enough. You do not need to instantly respond to every single story or issue that pops up. Lord knows that would be a full-time job just trying to keep up with the fire-hose stream of information pointed at us every day.
Slow down. Take your time. Think your thoughts, feel your feelings, express your instant outrage to yourself, your dog, or your significant other, but for the love of all that’s holy, do NOT record it online for all to see.
Why? Because your initial reaction is not always your final one. Most of us have a knee-jerk reaction, but after we cool down, think things through, hear more nuanced perspectives, those opinions can change. Leave space to fully consider an issue before committing to posting it for all the world to see (and react to and hold you accountable to even after you’ve changed your mind after you cooled off).
Also, even if your opinion on a matter doesn’t change with time, how you choose to express it might. Whereas you might be inclined to fire off an expletive-laced zinger to someone at first, after taking some time, you’re more likely to present a more intelligent, thoughtful response that stands a far better chance of being considered a valuable contribution to the conversation. And you’re less likely to be embarrassed by a response you took time to write than a fiery hot take.
Don’t believe everything you read
If there’s one thing we’ve all learned in the Internet Age, it’s that a lot of what we read online is simply untrue. Or twisted in such a way that the original meaning is completely lost.
I have had friends message me irate about some clickbait thing they read. When I dug into the real story, it turned out the click-baity headline had nothing to do with the facts of the story—it had completely misrepresented the facts simply to elicit outrage. Mission accomplished, sadly.
And let’s not forget the reality of bots and active disinformation campaigns. Given all these things, the smartest approach to anything you read is to dig deeper to find out the truth. Which leads me to…
Consider the source
People lie, I am sorry to tell you. If there is money or power or clicks to be had by saying something outrageous, they will.
It doesn’t make what they’re saying true.
So consider the source. Is this story coming from some rando blogger who trafficks in conspiracy theories? Hard pass.
Is it coming from a reputable source known for being fair, like the Associated Press or Reuters? And can you find the story with the same facts presented in multiple reputable sources? Then you can likely trust it.
But always do your homework. Dig for original sources when possible. This means that if an article or social media post references a study or article, find that original source and read what it actually says, not just the other person’s interpretation of it. Use your common sense and discernment to figure out what it’s really saying.
Does this take extra time and effort? Sure, but it’s worth it to get to the truth. Sometimes when I’ve done this, I’ve learned that the initial headline that caught my eye was wrong or misleading and the truth wasn’t something bad or upsetting at all.
Which goes back to my first point: Slow down. Don’t get upset until you know for sure there’s something worth getting upset about. Many times, there isn’t.
Remember, you don’t need to (and can’t!) be an expert on everything
Many of the problems making headlines today are super complex and nuanced. You may do your homework, read different perspectives on a subject, and still not be sure what you think.
That’s okay! You aren’t required to take a firm stance on every subject under the sun.
And if anyone says you should, don’t listen. It’s a trap.
Wisdom is knowing there are a million things you’ll never know AND knowing you may shift your opinion when presented with new information. This is normal and good. Our brains weren’t built to know all the things about all the things. That’s nuts! Not to mention exhausting.
Release the need to make official statements about everything. You’re not the president. No one really cares. If it’s worth your time and effort, you’ve carefully considered all sides, and you believe you have something valuable to contribute to the conversation, then by all means! Share away.
If not, feel free to let it go and move on. That is always an option.
My hope is that you’ll learn to be a critical thinker so you can figure out for yourself what is right and what is wrong, what is real and what is not, and what is worth your energy and what just isn’t. Also? You’ll be a lot happier if you do.
Love,
Mommy
What’s Giving Me Life
Springtime.
This time of year in the Philly suburbs, everything is coming back to life. First came the daffodils and forsythia, then the magnolia blooms, then the glorious cherry blossoms.
The azalea bush in our front yard just burst into a riot of hot-pink flowers and it’s one of my favorite things.
The trees that have been bare for months are sprouting their electric-green new leaves and the air smells … lush. Like grass and flowers and earth.
It’s truly one of the things I love most about this part of the country. The beauty of spring is simply dazzling.
A very good post. I got here by googling "How to live critically" as the question was in my head as I woke up. I am now shopping (again) for a cherry blossom, and an azalea bush too.