How to Meditate
How to Live is written as a love letter to my daughter to share all the things I hope might help her live a better life … though I suspect others may also find it valuable.
Dear Giana,
What I like about meditation is the chance to slow down my racing mind and reconnect with my internal guide that is otherwise drowned out by all of my daily distractions. It’s where I listen to what my body and mind needs in that moment, and it’s where I figure out tough decisions by paying attention to which thoughts feel like freedom and which ones feel like prison. If nothing else, it’s a place where I can get off the wild ride of everyday demands and catch my breath.
For a long time, I didn’t give meditation a chance because I thought it meant I needed to clear my mind, which sounded impossible. Spoiler alert: it is.
But after learning more about what it actually is and giving it a try in yoga classes, I understood its appeal. And why it’s been a thing since basically the beginning of time.
I learned that rather than thinking your thoughts, in meditation you practiced becoming a casual observer of them. I pictured myself sitting quietly on a grassy bank alongside a running stream. I’d calmly watch the water carry my thoughts by, and just notice them.
"Oh, there’s my concern about this month’s finances.”
“Here comes sadness that I don't do the things I love as much anymore.”
“There's some irritation that I'm sitting here looking at my thoughts rather than being more ‘productive’. Hmm...interesting.”
In that moment, I wasn’t trying to make any decisions or even change my thoughts, but allow myself to get some emotional distance from them. And I noticed that when I did that, I felt calmer and had more clarity about what I really wanted in that moment, which helped me make the next right choice.
Here’s a simple way to try it…
Sitting quietly, close your eyes and take some deep belly breaths, expanding your belly when you inhale and contracting it when you exhale. Focus on these breaths for a minute until you begin to feel a bit more relaxed. Thoughts will come and go, of course, but your primary focus is your breath.
Now envision yourself on that grassy slope watching your thoughts float by and observing them. Try not to get emotionally tangled up with them; just notice them and allow them to continue on their way.
Then shift your focus to your breath again. Picture it filling up your lungs and circulating healing oxygen to your organs, strengthening your body as you sit. You can focus on whatever you choose, but try to make it healing and positive. Give your emotions and mind a break. This time is for renewing your body, mind, and spirit.
You can do this. I know you can. But sometimes you may feel so tightly wound that it feels extra challenging. That's normal too.
In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about her experience at an Indian ashram where she was forced to square off against her deepest, most challenging internal struggles:
“Letting go, of course, is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on the top of it which we personally turn, and that if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well — that would be the end of the universe. But try dropping it... This is the message I'm getting. Sit quietly for now and cease your relentless participation. Watch what happens. The birds do not crash dead out of the sky in mid-flight, after all. The trees do not wither and die, the rivers do not run red with blood. Life continues to go on. Even the Italian post office will keep limping along, doing its own thing without you — why are you so sure that your micromanagement of every moment in this whole world is so essential? Why don't you let it be?”
Good question. Why don’t we let it be? Well, because that feels hard to most of us, but it’s worth wondering what would, in fact, happen if you tried dropping it. Just for a moment. Try letting go of what you think you have to control and reach out for whatever it is deep inside of you that holds you safe. And breathe.
Love,
Mommy
What’s Giving Me Life
Thinking about summer.
The weather has finally warmed up here and seems to be staying that way. It’s not too humid, the sun is shining… perfect.
Our big summer trip is to Ocean City, New Jersey, for a week with my parents, and I’m already looking forward to slow mornings with coffee on the porch, biking around town with Giana, and reading on the beach.
The summer schedule in general is the best too. No early mornings (we are not early risers), long days, being outside, grilling for dinner. All the good stuff. We are ready for you, summer!